Mr. Sunshine Smiles

Exhausted.

Drained.

Lost.

Defeated.

Fearful.

What do all these words have in common?

They are all words that have creeped into my vocabulary since the beginning of the pandemic, but have found their way into my brain more frequently over the past couple of weeks.

Anyone else? Or am I in the minority on this?

Did anyone else feel like this past weekend was not really the 4th of July? I don’t know about you, but there was just something missing that didn’t feel the same as years past when I got to witness the fireworks bursting in the sky around me.

As we continue to move through 2020…which by the way is now at the halfway point…it saddens me greatly that the people of this country continue to get more and more polarized. No matter what political affiliation you identify with, what religious background you come from, whom you love in your life, the color of your skin, or social status and amount of money you have access to, it seems that we keep getting further away from working together to find common ground and work toward solutions for the issues that face us both now in the present and also the future.

There are days when I think that this is all a dream and that if I open my eyes, and click my heels three times, it will all be normal again. If I could travel down the Yellow Brick Road, through the haunted forest, defeat the Wicked Witch of The West (which fun fact still scares me at 32) to see the great and powerful Oz, I would ask him to take us back to the days where we were free from a pandemic. I would ask for the days where it seemed like we were more open to loving others and displaying kindness through random acts on the daily.

For someone whom is nicknamed Mr. Sunshine, the current times and state of the world can be difficult. There are moments where I want to shut down completely, scream, cry, and take the optimism attitude and kick it as far away as possible.

I’m tested and challenged on the daily with these above feelings.

And these days, it is not uncommon for me to be asked the questions of “how do you stay so optimistic and positive” or “how do you keep a smile on your face?”

While I will be the first to admit that some days recently have been incredibly hard to keep that smile alive, there are a few, simple secrets that I will share with you now on how I personally keep the sunshine alive and the laughter flowing.

Are you ready? Do you have your morning beverage sidekick with you?

Well, read on!

#1: Betty White Is My Spirit Animal

About three and a half years ago, Katie Couric interviewed my spirit animal, Betty White in regards to the current state of the Country. It is a piece of material that I still find relevant today and I would encourage you to stop reading my blog for just two minutes and watch the below clip. You can pick up reading my blog on the other side…

If, after watching this clip, you can’t figure out why Betty White is my spirit animal, then I might ask you to get your noggin checked out…just kidding…kind of…sort of…not really.

Are you guilty of saying “I hate this” and “I hate that?” Those of you who know me and read my “About Me” section on this blog know that I do my best to not say “I hate” and always try to replace it with “I dislike very much.” As you go about your daily lives, I would like to challenge you to be a LOVER and not a HATER. Show LOVE by sharing a smile with a stranger on the street. Show LOVE by sending a note of appreciation to someone in your life. Show LOVE by seeking to understand someone else’s view point about a controversial topic by truly listening without judgment and open ears.

#2: Ellen DeGeneres And Playing Speak Out

I’m not sure if any of you have ever played this game, but it is super fun…unless you have sensitive gums…because then it can really hurt…like a lot. But it brings out so many laughs and we all know that laughter IS the best medicine. The below clip is one that I watch when I need a good chuckle, so I hope you can find that same level of laughter as well.

#3: 22 Musicals In 12 Minutes

We all know that I love Broadway musicals and knowing all of my artist friends and arts community are going through some of the toughest times of their lives makes me deeply saddened. This clip is one that gives me hope and really displays how creative some of my favorite celebrities can be with just a few props. And it makes me beam from ear to ear!

#4: You Will Be Found

This clip came out about 3 months ago when the pandemic started and to this day, it still fills me up with hope that we will come out of this stronger and that we are NEVER alone no matter how alone we might feel. Don’t ever forget to reach out when you need that extra support during the toughest times because there will always be someone in this world to wrap you in warmth when the world feels cold.

#5: The Golden Girls

This is a no brainer. But like, DUH! Ending each night with an episode, two, or three with my girls always helps me reset to a place of laughter and happiness. Picture it: The World. 2020. Quarantine lockdown. (You will only understand this reference if you are a true fan). If you’ve never watched an episode of these girls, now is your time to do it. They will not disappoint. I promise. And if they do disappoint, then we can’t be friends…JUST KIDDING…kind of…sort of…not really.

#6: Firework

This is again a no brainer for anyone who knows me. This is and will always be MY JAM. It never ceases to make me feel immediately better. I don’t care how cheesy the lyrics are. There is just something about belting this song to myself in the car or hearing it ring in my ears during a workout or run that makes me feel empowered.

There is no doubt that the world is a scary place and continues to become even more scary and violent with each passing day.

I can only hope that we will be able to continue moving forward together as a Country to share love, kindness, and work toward solutions to the very tough issues that face our World.

It can be hard somedays to live our the Mr. Sunshine persona that is very near and dear to my heart.

But I will always be here attempting to keep the smiles alive with some positive energy.

So, take the leap of faith and rejuvenate with me in experiencing some of the above entities I’ve shared with you to be the cockeyed optimist…just like Betty White described in her interview with Katie Couric.

The world needs our light. It needs our sunshine. It needs our love. It needs our kindness.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Happy Monday and start of a new week, folks!

It’s hard to believe that we are already coming to the end of June! That means that there is something like only 6 months until Christmas?? I think I saw something about that on social media and almost had a panic attack. I’m not even close to being ready for Christmas…and that is saying a lot since I’m usually ahead of the game with my planning…but not this year.

Anyhoo, I digress. On to the serious topic at hand with this week’s post.

This month is Gay Pride Month.

While there seems to be more positive discussion of this as a hot topic in today’s society, it is also one that seems to bring about a lot of negative feelings of hostility that makes it hard for us to move forward to a day without seclusion, bullying, and hate crimes.

This week, my blog post is an open letter to those out there who are struggling with their sexuality and identity. The ones who feel lost in what seems to be a cruel, cold world.

I’m here to tell you it will be OK. I promise.

“Dear Friend,

I see you, I’m here for you, and I love you.

I know there are days when the world around you feels cold, cruel, and dark. But it will get better. I promise. There are days of light and sunshine ahead. I know it.

I know there are days when you might not feel like getting out of bed at all, but trust me, there is always something out there worth living for, so never give up trying to find what that certain something is…because it exists for all of us. And that is the truth.

I know that you are struggling and that’s OK. Coming out of the closet to express your true colors is not easy…I will not sugar coat it for you. Be prepared to fight battles with friends, family, and the world. Be prepared to stand tall amongst the passion of true love and kindness that exist inside your heart. Be prepared to lose those who you might thought were once your friends and close to you.

Never back down and never give up.

Will there be moments when you are scared to walk in public?

Yes.

Will there be moments when others will stare at you, bully you, and ostracize you?

Yes.

Will there be moments where you will tremble with fear to share your true, inner voice?

Yes.

Don’t let those moments win and overcome you. Don’t let them waiver the true colors that you were created to express and share with the world.

They are beautiful and they are you.

It won’t be an easy journey. There are people that will cross your paths who will think that homosexuality is wrong and will try to do everything in their power to make you believe it is wrong.

Listen with patience and an open heart and show them you are human. Show them the true colors that God created in you for expression. Help them to understand. Help them join in the foundation of love you support.

Find your support system. Trust them. Hug them. Love them. They will be the ones who show you the light when the world seems like it is closing in with darkness. They are the ones that will wrap you in warmth of love and support.

Above all, never let the flame of true colors in your heart fade away to nothing. Keep it alive.

I see you.

I’m here for you.

I love you.

Sincerely,
Mr. Sunshine”

I came out 15 years ago during my Junior year of high school. While incredibly emotional, rocky, and dark at various times, it has been the best decision of my 32 years of living on this Earth that I look back at with no regrets.

As a single gay man in society who works three jobs to support himself, I will admit that there are days tougher than others, especially living through a pandemic. There are days where I have awful, reactive roller coaster emotions because I feel that society tells me I need a partner beside me in life to be happy.

Well, I don’t. I work three jobs, volunteer when and where I can, find joy in the simple things, and try to always come up with new methods of how to make those around me happier through facets of love and kindness. I may or may not be working on a super secret Mr. Sunshine project for 2021.

Believes it. You heard it here first.

And if that means that I continue living life in the single lane with close friends and family I love beside me, so be it.

If that means I keep myself busy and neglect the dust of the furniture of my house, the cleaning car, and the organizational projects around the house, so be it.

I’m not perfect, but my true colors are. And I embrace them 100%.

I want anyone out there who is struggling with their sexuality to know that it will be ok.

I’m here to listen to you, to support you, to hug you, and to love you.

I pray that one day we will be able to live without that feeling of fear that invades the back of our minds on the daily.

I pray that one day all people will be able to understand that we are humans too who are ready to love with open hearts, minds, and hands.

Dear friend,

I see you, I’m here for you, and I love you.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Well, we are officially in Summer. Does it feel like the season of sunshine, flip flops, and pool swimming to you?

Because it certainly doesn’t feel like it yet.

Does it feel like it is half way through the year of 2020 to you?

Because it certainly doesn’t feel like that either.

Quarantine has been going on for how long now?

3 days?

3 months?

3 years?

There have been moments during this quarantine where the walls of my house have seen me at my worst–yelling, screaming, breaking down in tears.

Some days, it feels like a roller coaster of emotions.

Seriously.

Buckling up in the station, trying to keep my arms and legs inside the train at all times without screaming my face off.

Up the hills, down the hills, around the twists and turns…

Until I arrive back in the station…

…only to do it all over again.

Have any of you had these moments and feelings also?

I can’t imagine I’m the only one.

Right?

And, before I begin with this week’s post, I would like to take a few moments to re-iterate the below, which I have neglected to say at the start of my last couple of blog posts.

My heart goes out to those who have passed away from this virus. My heart goes out to all of those who are currently suffering and fighting to get well. My heart goes out to everyone who has been directly and indirectly affected by this virus. My heart goes out to all people who are working the front lines to restore health and well-being to the world around us. My heart goes out to all of us who are working to navigate the unknown on the daily with feelings of anxiety and despair.

Well, shall we begin? If you don’t already have your trusty cup of coffee (or whatever beverage you like to drink when reading), make sure you go to grab it now!

We’ve all heard the phrase “the icing on top of the cake”, right?

Well, if you noticed the title of this week’s post, I will be playing devil’s advocate in taking the opposite angle of this phrase and talking about the cake missing the icing.

What do I mean by this? Well, I guess you’ll just have to read on!

This week, I’m going to talk about some of the things that I miss the most about being in quarantine.

Obviously, the events of the world have shifted perspectives, turned our lives upside down, and forced us to find ways to cope because of the fact that nothing will be the same or “normal” for quite some time…or ever again.

It’s both a tough and harsh reality to try and grasp on the daily. It becomes even more prominent when I think in my mind about some of the things that I have really missed (and continue to miss) during this period of a pandemic quarantine.

So, here are some things that I really miss…like a lot.

The Office Atmosphere
-While I’m so grateful (and thankful) that I have the opportunity to work from home, I am a person who misses the office atmosphere so much. I miss being able to turn around in my desk chair to ask a coworker about a situation while also sharing a laugh and smile. Video chats are great and wonderful and I’m glad we have the technology to do it, but something just isn’t the same about them. I miss having lunch with coworkers and talking about everything and anything. I crave the office atmosphere and staring at my walls 6 days (sometimes 7 days a week) can get a bit insane.

The Theater
-I miss going to the theater to see shows, I miss performing on the stage, I miss working backstage…basically, I miss it all. I miss the community of family that is created by bonds and love of a creative art that allows for an outlet that is deeply missed by my soul. I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t a bit nervous for the future of the arts.

My Church Choir
-I miss my choir at church. I miss having Wednesday night rehearsals in the church basement where we could laugh and just have fun singing music for the Lord. To go along with this, I miss seeing the church congregation in person on Sunday mornings. While I’m so grateful that we’ve been blessed and given the opportunity to do virtual services, I miss seeing the smiling faces of our Penryn community. I miss being together and enjoying the fellowship through word and song. I continue to pray constantly for all of our church members and for the guidance to make sure that when the time comes to re-open, that we are able to do it well and safely for all. Our community is a place for ALL and I’m anxious for it to continue as such when we are given the opportunity to gather again.

Late Night Grocery Shopping
-I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed late night grocery shopping until I couldn’t do it. I miss having those moments with few people in the aisles to do my thing. You might laugh, but late night grocery shopping is a way for me to decompress…almost therapeutic. It’s like real-life Supermarket Sweep episode when you are with Mr. Sunshine.

Hugging
-I don’t think I need to go into too much detail with this one since it is pretty self-explanatory. My personality is all about loving, which includes hugging and not being able to do that is eating me up inside.

Seeing People Smile
-I miss seeing the smiles on the faces of the people that I have the opportunity to interact with on the daily–whether it be on the sidewalk, grocery store…anywhere. I must say that I’ve learned to try and perfect the “smile with my eyes” entity like Tyra Banks used to say, but I very much look forward to the day when I get to see those million dollar smiles again.

Eating In A Restaurant
-I miss having the chance to be spontaneous to eat at a local gem for some delicious food. I miss the atmosphere of being in a restaurant (or bar setting) and enjoying the company of loved ones with glorious conversation and delightful ambience.

Well, folks. There you have it. Just a few things that I’ve really missed throughout this quarantine.

I will continue to pray for all and try to do my best to keep some light and positive energy alive as I go about the daily.

Stay well and don’t give up hope.

We will get through this and the light at the end of the tunnel is there…I just know it.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Well, folks. We are halfway through the month of June which means that Summer is just around the corner. I don’t know about you, but it certainly doesn’t feel like the season of outdoor grilling, pool swimming, and flip flops.

Well…at least it doesn’t feel like it quite yet. And I’m sure this quarantine has something to do with those thoughts.

Anyhoo, we are going to get right into this week’s post, so I hope your coffee has been brewed!

Here we go!

My name is JP Welliver.

I am gay.

I am proud.

I am love.

As many of you probably already know, June is National Gay Pride Month, and as an openly gay man living in this world, nothing saddens me more than knowing that we are still struggling for rights and continue to be viewed as “different” or “unfit” by a society that feeds upon hate and judgment.

It is 2020.

We are living in the 21st century. What gives? How can it be that we are still living in a world where we would rather hate with our words than love with our hearts? It is the million dollar question that I continue to try and answer each and every day as I live out life.

In Spring of 2005, my junior year of high school, I made the decision to come out to a few of my friends. And while it was a decision that weighed heavily on me day in and day out, it is one that I look back on with no regrets. And 14 year later, after being bullied, called inappropriate names including the term ‘faggot’, and struggling with thoughts of hurting myself and trying to figure out what I’m on this Earth for, I stand even stronger and prouder of who I am.

Today, I want to share a few reflections that I hope you will all take to heart and ponder as you go about your daily lives today, tomorrow, and each day after.

I want to thank my parents. While I know it was a struggle in the beginning to accept and we fought with differences, I couldn’t be more thankful for all of the unwavering support and true love you have continuously showed me throughout my life. You have raised me to fight for what I believe in, to never give up, and to show love and kindness to all. For that, I can’t repay you and having you by my side is the greatest gift I could ask for.

I want to thank my incredible and amazing friends who have been there through thick and thin since day one. I can’t even begin to imagine life without you all. You make the smiles, laughs, tears, hugs, and memories of each passing day extraordinary and worth living. Having a supportive team of individuals around me does wonders for the soul and it is something that I try to never take for granted. Each and every one of you is appreciated and loved so much. Each and every one of you has had some kind of impact in the evolution of Mr. Sunshine up to this point in my life. And for those who will continue to evolve with me in the future, I look forward to the days ahead with an unwavering optimistic energy.

I want to take a moment to share reflections with those out there struggling with their identity and sexuality. Always be true to yourself and never sacrifice anything for what you feel in your heart. Know that you are not alone and that there will always be people around to wrap you in love and warmth when the world seems cold and closes in with darkness.

I want to take a moment to share some reflections to those who view me and my fellow gay community as different. I hope that you will one day be able to look past the walls of judgement that you have built up and realize that we are no different than you. And while we may identify with feelings for those of the same sex, we are still human beings full of love and pride.

I encourage all of you to celebrate the rainbow and the gay community and to extend a hand to all in this world by spreading love and kindness. Not just this month, but every month of the year. Do it today, tomorrow, and each day after.

There may be days in my life left on this Earth that I get bullied, called faggot, or struggle with the thoughts of hurting myself—I don’t know what the future holds in store.

But I do know this. I am a believer in sharing love and kindness to everyone regardless of social status, ethnicity, religion, skin color, or sexual orientation.

I look for the good in others and work hard in finding ways to make those around me happier. I believe in happily every after and will not sacrifice my morals or values to find whatever that might be for me in life.

I fight for what I believe in.

I am happy.

I am positive.

I am spiritual.

I am joyful.

I am silly.

I am reactive.

I am emotional.

I am proud.

I am colorful.

I am Mr. Sunshine.

I am JP.

I am gay.

I stand before you in this very moment with great pride in my true colors and can’t wait to continue sharing with the world who I am and what I’m about.

I just started the process of working on a super, special, secret project that will hopefully help me to empower others in this world while being my authentic self. I’m super excited to share it with you and while I’m not 100% sure when it will exactly happen, I can only hope it will be very soon, so stay tuned! I CAN’T WAIT to share it with you!

We need to stop the hating, the judgments, the bullying, and work together as one to break down the walls of hate that have paralyzed our society with the belief that the gay community is different. This world needs more love.

The events that have unfolded and continue to unfold in the world around us are clear examples that we are in need of so much more love and kindness.

Where are the opens arms of love that we should be extending to ALL humans regardless of the gender of the humans they love?

When will the hating stop?

When will the violence end?

When are we going to wake up as a human race and realize that people who love the same sex are no different than anyone else?

When is the world going to realize that love is love is love?

My name is JP Welliver.

I am gay.

I am proud.

I am love.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Well, folks. Here we are.

A new week. Another Monday.

As if quarantine, social distancing, and the pandemic weren’t enough.

In looking at the state of the world outside our doors, it is hard to not get a heavy heart. There is so much hatred, violence, prejudice, and division among all people regardless of political assosciation, social class, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, religion, or color of skin.

For me, it certainly makes trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel difficult some days. And I’m sure some of you are in the same boat.

With all that is happening around us, it is a great moment for each of us to sit back, hit the pause button, and reflect on what each of us can do individually to make a difference.

Each and every one of us has been given strengths and talents to make change, to be the light, and to help those around us in need.

In the coming weeks, take a moment to have the conversations that are uncomfortable with others in life about the events that have unfolded and are continuing to unfold in our world.

Listen.

Learn.

Educate.

Donate.

Help.

We each have been called to make a difference, so go out and DO.

Be the hope.

Be the love.

Be the light.

Be the change.

I have a lot of friends who come in all shapes and sizes. I have friends who like men, friends who like girls, friends who have a different color skin, friends who are of a different ethnic background, friends who have different religious backgrounds, friends from all different political affiliation and social class.

And while I can’t imagine what my friends of color have experienced for a long time in this Country, I can tell you that it is time for a change. Everyone in this country is worthy. Worthy of love. Worthy of kindness. Worthy of respect. Worthy of equality.

I’ve done a lot of researching and listening as I’ve tried to educate myself as best as possible on all that is happening.

Below are just a few of the resources that I’ve found to be helpful, especially with the fact that there is so much out there–it can be overwhelming.

In addition, I’ve included a clip from the Ephrata Performing Arts Center’s production of Ragtime that I had the extreme honor and privilege to be a part of. I feel it is a beautiful moment that should be watched by all in regards to what is being experienced around the world.

https://8cantwait.org/

https://blacklivesmatter.com/news/

The world needs us more than ever.

Isn’t this supposed to be a world where we have liberty and justice for ALL?

Be change.

Spark change.

Make your voice heard.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

The evening of Thursday, May 28th ended for me like most other nights always do. Lying on the couch with The Golden Girls on the TV in the background.

Little did I know that Friday morning would bring out the ugly cry in me.

8:15am.

My cell phone alarm played it’s lame chime as I reached my hand over to the coffee table in hopes of shutting it off without having to open my eyes.

I reluctantly couldn’t get the alarm to stop, so I forced my eyes open to hit the button to silence the phone.

But I noticed something on the screen notifying me that I had a text message…from my Mom. And we all know a text “early” in the morning from your Mom (well at least in my mind) means that there is bad news.

I opened the text and immediately dropped my phone on the floor.

“We are going to call vet as soon as they open to put Foxy down.”

These were certainly not the words that I was expecting to read on my Friday morning.

I ran upstairs, put some clothes on, and attempted to brush my teeth while my nose ran and tears streamed down my face.

I got in my car and started the drive to my parents.

I drove in silence with only the sound of my sniffles. I tried to hold back the tears, but it was no use. My eyes were getting blurry and my I kept forcing my right hand to brush off my face.

The drive seemed like it took forever. Once I arrived in my parents’ driveway, I turned the car off and sat in silence for a moment.

I took a deep breath, opened the door, and tried to mentally prepare myself for the moment I was about to experience…seeing Foxy Lady for the last time.

I walked to the back porch where I was greeted by my Dad, Ginger, and my Mom petting Foxy who had placed herself under the futon in a position that looked both comfortable and relaxed. Her back legs were sprawled out while her front paws were bent in what seemed like a tense position. Her mouth was drooling intensely which my mom was wiping up with a towel as she pet Foxy gently and whispering “it’s okay, Foxy.”

Foxy lifted her head ever so slightly to look at me with what seemed like the saddest puppy eyes. The slightest twinkle was still in them though. It was almost as if she was telling me that she was ready.

My heart broke.

I held back some tears in my eyes, sat down beside her, stayed in silence, and pet her fur with my hands.

I sat there…in a trance for what seemed like hours not wanting to grasp the reality that this was the end.

After an hour of struggling with the question of why pets can’t be with us forever, I finally went in for the final embrace.

I leaned in for one last hug with my Foxy Lady. I kissed her on the top of her forehead and whispered “thank you for the memories.” I held on tight not wanting to let go of her love that had been a faithful companion for the past 15 years.

I walked to my car in the driveway, closed the door, and began to cry uncontrollably.

I had not experienced saying goodbye to a pet since Allie, our beagle had to be put down, which we did my senior year of high school.

You would think as an older adult that saying goodbye would be an easier thing to do, but that was certainly not the case. Well, certainly not the case for me at least.

I’ve cried myself to sleep for the past three nights. It’s been over a decade since I’ve gone through the loss of a pet and having it happen at a time when the world is so upside down in all respects makes it even more difficult.

How do I even begin to sum up the past 15 years with a furry friend that remained faithful every single moment?

While it might seem like an impossible task, I’m certainly going to give it my best shot in a final letter to Foxy Lady.

My Foxy Lady,

It’s hard to believe that we’ve spent the last 15 years together. You became part of the family when I was a senior in high school! You’ve been around for more than half of my life! Isn’t that crazy?!

And having you by my side for all that time made it even more difficult to let go and say goodbye.

Would you believe me if I told you that I left the house on Friday morning with NO makeup on when Mom told me that it was time to say goodbye? Not many things in life can make me do that, so I hope that makes you feel even more special. Ha!

I remember how afraid of me you were (and men in general) when Mom and Dad first brought you home. One of the first memories I have of you was that you didn’t want to go to the bathroom outside for Mom and Dad. I was determined to stay outside and walk around with you on the leash until you went. And oh by gosh by golly, after what felt like an eternity, you did it! I was so proud and excited. Patience is a virtue and it paid off!

I can’t thank you enough for being my loyal compaion for the past 15 years. Even though you couldn’t jump on my bed as you got older, I will never forget the moments of you sleeping by my feet to keep me extra warm. I always felt so protected. You always were willing to be my cuddle buddy without question and were always the best partner in crime when I got to house sit for Mom and Dad when they would go away. I always enjoyed when you would pull up your bed beside the couch signaling to me that it was time to wind down and hit the hay. I always took that as your way of being subtle to tell me it was time for “lights out.”

Having the chance to spend some of your final moments with you was very special to me. I’m so incredibly thankful that I got to give you a final hug and kiss goodbye before you crossed over the rainbow bridge. You would think as a 32 year-old adult that saying goodbye would be easy peasy, but it was quite the opposite for me, especially because we’ve been through so much.

Would you believe that I’ve cried myself to sleep the past 3 nights on the couch? There’s not even a boy in my life that has gotten me to do that! I expect the nights of tears to continue for a bit of time until it sinks in that you are officially gone and that I won’t see you the next time I drop by Mom and Dad’s house.

You were truly the best companion and I’m glad we got to spend so many years together. You got to witness me in all my prime moments—the high school, college, and young adulting years. It’s like you watched me grow up!

Our moments together will always be so special to me, especially our last moments. They will live in a very special place of my heart forever and always.

I hope you get the opportunity to meet some new friends on the other side of the rainbow bridge, but please don’t ever forget me.

From now on, each time I lie down on the couch, I’ll think of you bringing your bed beside me and looking at me with that gleam in your eye—subtly telling me it’s time for lights out.

Thank you for the love, cuddles, and companionship over the years.

Thank you for making it so hard to say goodbye.

You’ll always be my Foxy Lady.

Love,
JP

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Well…here we are…another Monday.

Another day in quarantine.

I sincerely hope that all of you are staying safe and healthy with all that is continuing to happen in the world.

And before I move on to this week’s post, I start off with the paragraph I continue to re-iterate each week:

My heart goes out to those who have passed away from this virus. My heart goes out to all of those who are currently suffering and fighting to get well. My heart goes out to everyone who has been directly and indirectly affected by this virus. My heart goes out to all people who are working the front lines to restore health and well-being to the world around us. My heart goes out to all of us who are working to navigate the unknown on the daily with feelings of anxiety and despair.

Well, it’s time to get on with this week’s post, which means grab your side-kick beverage and read on!

I know that every single one of us has probably had moments of stress, confusion, unknown, and every adjective in between throughout this quarantine process.

And this week…for some reason…it really came to a head and got to me. It was like an explosion of emotions that was bubbling up inside. The week was absolutely shitty in many ways, but just to name a few (besides just being stuck in quarantine) that got me all frustrated, anxious, sad, pissed off and basically every emotion, here is a short list:

-One of my customers at my full-time job shared with me when I called her this week that her husband passed away and I immediately filled up with emotion. I appreciate the customers I get to work with on the daily and work hard to build connections with them, so when a piece of information like this is shared with me, it is so hard for me to not to feel that emotion with the person even if it is through the media outlet of an email, chat, or phone call. It feel almost like they are part of my extended family so to speak.

-I learned this week that not only was the production of Frozen on Broadway that I bought tickets for to see in August was being cancelled, but that it was being closed permanently because of COVID-19. This was something that really made me sad because it was to be part of the annual trip I take with my bestie Devin to celebrate our birthdays. Even more so, it was something that I was really looking forward to as a “respite” and “release” to all the madness happening in the world.

-I had to refuse a new washer and dryer that I purchased at the end of April because I measured my door frame wrong. I was so frustrated that I had made an error in my measurements and got so upset and literally called my mom to yell and scream just because I had a moment of complete irrational craziness. She got the brunt of my frustration for no reason along with every curse word in the book. Needless to say it was not one of my proudest moments.

-The continuation of negative news, opinions, and articles that I see on every media outlet are disheartening, frustrating, and fill my soul with fear.

So, with all of these aspects that were throwing their darkness at me, you might be asking yourself, “How does Mr. Sunshine find the sunshine during these dark days?”

Well, I’m so glad you asked because I’m going to share just a few aspects of where I find/found my sunshine this week (and other weeks) that will hopefully help you also find that sunshine when you feel like the world is closing in and causing you to suffocate under the darkness.

Ready. Set. GO!

1. John Kransinski and Some Good News
-I’m not sure how I did not discover this until now, but a huge shout out to my college friend, John Schmidt for introducing this channel to me. If any of you (like me) are sick of the negative energy that is blasted on the news, then this is the channel for you. John gathers moments from all around the world to share positive news and energy and it is beautiful, rewarding, and even worthy of a few tears. Go check it out because you will not be disappointed.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOe_y6KKvS3PdIfb9q9pGug

2. Using Zoom to reconnect with my show choir family
-This past Wednesday, I got the opportunity to reconnect virtually with my Penn State Show Choir family, The Singing Lions. It was amazing and so wonderful in so many ways to see these individuals that were responsible for keeping me at Penn State. Throughout the entire call, my soul was filled with such joy. If you haven’t already done so, I would encourage each of you to reach out directly to someone that you have not communicated with in a long time to just check in, connect, and talk. Share love. Share support. It will make you feel so good on the inside and will be worth every single minute.

3. The Disney motivational video
-I have my coworker, Jenn Rudy to thank for this one. She reached out to share this video, which happened to be part of the curriculum she is currently using to teach her kids during quarantine at home. I loved every single moment and I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t shed a tear. It was prefect and incredibly relevant with the current times and resonated in so many ways for me. I hope it does for you as well.

4. The new Katy Perry song
-I’ve always been a Katy Perry fan and always will be. Loyalty is part of my personality, so it is something I take very seriously and something I’m very passionate about. Katy released this new song Friday and it has been on repeat since. The lyrics are empowering, positive, and remind us to never let anyone keep us from being ourselves. Enjoy.

5. Having a crucial conversation with someone special in your life
-While this type of conversation is one that I’ve never mastered or been good at, they are so beneficial and helpful in so many respects. It helps display full honesty, true vulnerability, and helps all involved truly understand each other and see all angles of a situation. The conversation was one that needed to be had and I truly believe in my heart it was for the best and will only build a stronger foundation of trust, friendship, support, and love for the future. I want to thank the person for calling me out on my actions that led to this moment and having the kindness to allow me the chance to explain my complete thoughts and feelings without any judgment.

I hope that some of you will be able to enjoy these above aspects that I’ve talked about in order to find some happiness or distraction from the negative happening in the world. I encourage you to take a few minutes of your day to not only experience them personally, but to share them with someone else in your life who you feel might benefit from them as well.

Until our paths meet again next week, please stay safe and healthy.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Happy Monday, all!

We’ve made it through yet another week of quarantine AND snow flurries from Mother Nature because she seems to be extremely confused. And toward the end of this week it’s going to feel like Summer.

Like, seriously Mother Nature. I’m going to need you to make up your mind.

Kthanks. Mmmbyeee.

And before we get to this week’s post, I begin once again with the following PSA:

My heart goes out to those who have passed away from this virus. My heart goes out to all of those who are currently suffering and fighting to get well. My heart goes out to everyone who has been directly and indirectly affected by this virus. My heart goes out to all people who are working the front lines to restore health and well-being to the world around us. My heart goes out to all of us who are working to navigate the unknown on the daily with feelings of anxiety and despair.

The pandemic we are experiencing has definitely been challenging on so many levels too numerous to even begin to mention.

But one thing that has not faltered is the love of my Mama Welliver. So, this week I re-iterate just how much she means to me with a “repost” of my blog post from last year because it just says it all perfectly.

So, grab you trusty, go-to Monday morning beverage and cuddle up with your favorite blanket because here we go!

Monday greetings to you all!

I sincerely hope that the May flowers of the Spring have been keeping you smiling with their beautiful bursts of color and that their strong scents haven’t been too much of a nuisance for those pesky allergies!

This past weekend, we were able to celebrate the BIGGEST Hallmark Card holiday of all holidays…one could say it is the “mother” of all holidays!

That’s right! You guessed correctly!

MOTHER’S DAY!

And as you all continue to read today’s blog post, I’d just like to take a moment and wish all the mothers out there in the world–past, present, and future a very happy and belated by one day Mother’s Day…this also includes those mothers who are no longer with us. All of you are (and have been and continue to be) pioneers in this world with your support, love, and never-ending compassion. And we couldn’t be more thankful!

And…with that being said, I’d like to extend a HUGE happy Mother’s Day to the one and only, Mama Welliver! I’m not sure words can actually begin to express how much I appreciate and love her, but I sure as heck am going to do my best!

Where do I even start? Better yet, how do I possibly say it all? Maria Von Trapp in the The Sound of Music (which happens to be one of Mama Welliver’s favorites), tells us to start at the very beginning…so I will try to do just that!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been super close with my mom. Back in the day of growing up a tiny little Mr. Sunshine, she did and still does it all! From packing my lunches for school (sometimes I secretly wish this still happened because I’m a terrible eater at times), coming into my room during the mornings to make sure my alarm did in fact wake me up and that I was on the go and moving, or giving me a big hug and saying “I love you” before stepping on to the school bus. It’s all part of the never-ending list of things that make Mama Welliver extra special.

And I don’t care what anyone says, getting a hug from a mom is the best feeling in the world…hands down.

During the olden days, when I was a wee little child, I remember getting so excited to go grocery shopping with her. I thought it was like the best thing since sliced bread. The tradition was a Thursday night trip to Weis Markets where we would go up and down the aisles grabbing the items needed while I pushed the cart, which proved to be hard to steer sometimes as it got both fuller and heavier. Side note: For those who don’t know, Mama Welliver is super organized, so she had a list of items all ready to go classified by the aisle number the items were in. And as luck should have it, we got to make our own little trip to the grocery store yesterday on Mother’s Day–something we haven’t done together in forever! And believe it or not, she still has her list organized by aisle!

No matter what we were doing, we always would have a great time–I’m the type of person that told Mama Welliver everything…and in some cases…too much. I still do to this day.

Just the other week, I wore vomited at the lunch table and what was Mama Welliver’s response? “Johnny–you’re funny when you get worked up.”

Fun side note…Mama Welliver calls me Johnny a lot!

Senior year of high school I think was the toughest one for the relationship with my mom. After coming out of the closet, it just seemed that all communication became more yelling than anything–we just didn’t see eye to eye on anything. The yelling was territory that I was unfamiliar with and I just didn’t know how to deal with it. It was a tough, emotional struggle for sure, especially with going away to school.

Ultimately, we worked through it with conversation, questions, and seeking to understand each other. And today, things couldn’t be better.

Mama Welliver is someone who has always been in the audience (with my dad of course too) to support me through every single production, concert, recital, or award ceremony that I’ve ever been a part of…and let me tell you…there have been a lot of them. And I’ve been doing this kind of stuff for at least 20 years. Just ask her how many shows she’s struggles to stay awake at…totally kidding, mom! You know I like to give you a hard time about that!

Mama Welliver is the type of person who will take anyone under her wing. She is the type of person who always puts the needs of others first. She is the type of person who will make sure that everyone has a place to go for a holiday meal so that no one is left out.

She is the one that is responsible for my curly hair gene…and for those of you who’ve seen my hair recently, it is pretty darn curly…and long. And I can’t wait to cut it.

She is the one that is responsible for bringing me up on the morals of kindness, love, and putting others first in life.

She is the one responsible for giving me my fear of confrontation. Like mother, like son–we are both people that do not enjoy or do well at crucial conversations…but we’re working on that.

She is also the one responsible for giving me the “worry about everything” gene. Haha. We are both such worriers…to the maximum level.

Mama Welliver–thank you for always being there to support me through it all. Thank you for passing down your curly hair gene, for always coming out to watch my shows even if they are ones that don’t excite you, and for pushing me to always put 110% into everything that I undertake.

Thank you for always allowing me to give you a hard time for being short when we take photos beside each other. You are always such a good sport about it.

Thank you for taking time to seek and understand my sexuality. I know it wasn’t easy and I know that it still has both scary and rough moments for you, but it is something that I can’t put into words with how much I appreciate it and how much it means to me.

You’ve never stopped believing in me, supporting me, or loving me.

My thirst and passion for life, love for others, smile, and Mr. Sunshine attitude have stemmed from everything you’ve taught me over the last 31 years. We’ve evolved and been through our share of tough times, but we have always come out of it all beaming the same smile…and apparently the same vests too!

I love you, Mama Welliver and I can’t begin to thank you enough for the person you have made me today.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Well, here we are. Yet another week has gone by. Does anyone actually know what day it is? What month it is? What season it is?

Mother Nature is continuing to confuse me with her weather because one day it is pushing 80 degrees with sunshine and the next day mis windy with brisk chills that force us to cuddle ourselves with comfy sweatshirts.

Right now, it is 8:50pm, my legs are KILLING me from my 5 mile run around Lancaster, and the grandfather clock in my living room continues to chime letting me know that time is passing as I try to come up with what words to write for you all this week.

And before we get into this week’s post, I will start with the below message that I continue to re-iterate as we live out the 2020 quarantine.

My heart goes out to those who have passed away from this virus. My heart goes out to all of those who are currently suffering and fighting to get well. My heart goes out to everyone who has been directly and indirectly affected by this virus. My heart goes out to all people who are working the front lines to restore health and well-being to the world around us. My heart goes out to all of us who are working to navigate the unknown on the daily with feelings of anxiety and despair.

Well, time to get down to business. Do you have your cup of coffee ready?

Tonight, as I was struggling to figure out what to write, I got the sudden craving for orange juice. I wanted something refreshing along with a dose of Vitamin C because who doesn’t love some extra Vitamin C?!

As I walked to the fridge to pour myself a cold glass of the colorful beverage, I took notice of the label for what was probably the first time. Because who actually reads labels when they are pouring themselves product from the fridge?!

Hopefully, I’m not in the minority on that.

Regardless, the label read the following:

“50% Less Calories. Same Great Taste.”

And that was when it hit me…the blog topic for this week!

And no, it is not in regards to the fact that I LOVE calories and that everything I consume should be 100% calories.

Calories don’t count during quarantine, right?!

Anyhoo, I digress.

These days, it is rare for me to experience a day without any type of negative–whether it is from the news that is being presented to us on the daily, a customer interaction in regards to a slow shipping time, or witnessing verbal abuse between humans. It’s everywhere.

And while our world has definitely come together to support each other in several aspects, there is still a part of me that feels like we have become even more polarized as a society.

It is disheartening.

And what is even more saddening is to see the numbers (and witnessing from social media) the people who are struggling with anxiety and depression.

That is also disheartening.

And I want anyone who may be reading this post (or who might know of someone struggling with these feelings mentioned above) to reach out to me because as Mr. Sunshine I’m happy to provide a listening ear or extra dash of positive energy to hopefully help give you that extra boost.

As Robert Ingersoll once said, “We rise by lifting others.”

We have to remember to continue supporting each other throughout what we are experiencing and continuing to be humble, understanding, and genuine.

But most importantly, we must remember to be HUMAN with each other.

So, what point am I trying to make with this blog post?

It is actually quite simple.

We need to work on 50% less hate and substitute it with 50% more love.

We need to work on 50% less finger pointing and substitute it with 50% more of a listening ear.

We need to work on 50% less fear and substitute it with 50% more faith.

We need to work on 50% less sadness and frowns and substitute with 50% more happiness and smiles.

We need to work on 50% less hurtful thoughts and actions and substitute it with 50% more acts of kindness.

The point I’m trying to make is that we all have areas in our life where we can work on “50% less calories.” And from there, we can try substituting it with an alternative that will still allow us to have the “same great taste.”

Just like the label I read on my refreshing orange juice beverage.

I know that I’ve had several moments of personal defeat and failure of these entities I’ve mentioned above in the last couple of weeks. I’m a work in progress. We all are. No one is perfect and what is beautiful about what we are experiencing right now is that we are all experiencing it together.

So step back today, tomorrow, and the next day to figure out how you personally can do 50% less in your life and substitute it with 50% more to make the world a better place.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Well, we’ve made it to what I think is day 679543 of quarantine. Well, in actuality, I have no idea what day of quarantine it is because it seems like all the days just seem to muddle together. And that is complete and utter honesty.

Does anyone actually know what day of quarantine we are in? Or what month it is? Or what day it is?

If my calculations are correct, I believe it is Monday, April 27th of the year 2020, but I could use a confirmation from another individual or two just to be sure.

Well, before we get down to business, I will start with the below message that I’ve been re-iterating each week since the pandemic began.

My heart goes out to those who have passed away from this virus. My heart goes out to all of those who are currently suffering and fighting to get well. My heart goes out to everyone who has been directly and indirectly affected by this virus. My heart goes out to all people who are working the front lines to restore health and well-being to the world around us. My heart goes out to all of us who are working to navigate the unknown on the daily with feelings of anxiety and despair.

In last week’s post, I shared some very personal stories and rapid fire facts that I had not shared with the public before. My thoughts seemed to be random and all over the place because I just wanted to write what I was feeling in the moment…raw and from the heart.

And…sorry not sorry…it’s going to happen again with this week’s post.

Are you ready? Do you have your morning coffee in hand? Well, please put your arms and legs inside the car because this train is about to leave the station at FULL speed.

Can you tell I like roller coasters? They are something that I can’t wait to ride again at Hershey Park, especially The Great Bear. One can only hope that it will happen at some point this year.

But I digress.

Before this pandemic started, I was a single, gay man living in Lancaster.

And now, I’m a single, gay man living in Lancaster trying to navigate my way through a pandemic on the daily. Just like you. Just like the whole world. These days, opening the front door to go outside seems more foreign than ever before and shopping online for groceries seems to have replaced the typical shopping sprees for new clothes or the newest candle scent from Bath and Body Works.

So, here are some rapid fire feelings about what I feel, how I react, what I’m going though and what I’ve gone through since this pandemic began.

1. I’ve actually taken stock of how many DVD’s I own because I now have time to watch them all. And I have over 100 because I got tired once I got to that number when counting. If you follow my Instagram or Facebook stories, you will notice that I’ve chronicled a few of the ones I’ve already watched thus far.

2. I’ve discovered crevices in spots of the house that I never knew existed before because having off from work every other week makes me a crazy person with cleaning. There are spots in my house that I don’t think have been cleaned in the 3 1/2 years that I’ve lived in this house and that has now changed…finally. Mmmbyeee.

3. I’ve found out how to embrace technology in new ways with communicating via Zoom, HouseParty, and FaceTime. Would you believe that before this pandemic, I hadn’t used FaceTime? Well, believes it. I’m pretty sure that is 99.99% true.

4. I’ve learned that stuffed animals will be extremely loyal to you for squeezing when you are feeling sad because not all of us have a person or animal that they are quarantined with. Mr. Snuggles the hippo has come through for me in some dark moments.

5. This one might make me sound like a crazy person, but this week’s blog involves rapid fire facts where I’m holding nothing back. I cry at least once a week in the evening trying to grasp with the fact that everything will probably never be the same again.

6. I crunch numbers of both my checking and savings account 2, 3, sometimes even 5 times in a day just to make sure that there is enough for me to put food on the table and pay the bills that need paid. And even though I’m still able to work (on a reduced hour schedule), it is a very scary reality that I worry about even when I go to bed at night somedays. I never had filed for unemployment before in my life and it was a process that was confusing and foreign to me. I’m sure money worries and long-term finances are something that each and every one of us is stressing about in some way, shape, or form.

7. Some days, I break down in tears because I feel like some of humanity has lost their sense of compassion, empathy, love, and kindness. It’s like they curled it up in a ball and threw it out the window. It is disheartening and hurts my soul so much. Words in a blog really can’t describe the feeling I go through seeing this through facets of the news, social media, customer interactions, etc. But it hurts. A lot. If I had to try and describe what it feels like, I would have to say that it’s like getting sucker punched right in the stomach ten times over. And each time, I feel like the fire inside of me fades a little. But mark my words…

I will combat this feeling with an even greater passion to change the world in 2021 and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let anyone including COVID-19 stop me.

8. I struggle with the fact that I might not step foot into the office building of my full time job again for an indefinite amount of time. While working from home is something that I’ve learned to adapt to over the past two months (and something I’m extremely grateful for), it is also something that I really struggle with because I miss so many things. I miss my phone where I can chat with my customers and hear their voices. I miss seeing the faces and feeling the exciting energy from my coworkers that I love dearly. I miss seeing Chef Greg and Chef Larry who always have a smile to share with every single person. The sombering reality that the office life will be forever changed is one that hasn’t quite sunk in for me yet.

9. And while most of you already know this because I’ve mentioned it a gazillion times before…it hurts me to not be able to hug those that I love most.

But throughout the breakdowns of tears and moments of worry, I remind myself of one thing:

Begin each day with a grateful heart.

I have so much to be grateful for: my health, a roof over my head, loving family, amazing friends, jobs that give me the ability to still be working, food on the table to help keep my strength up, a church community that helps me to keep my faith strong during times of unknown, and so many other wonderful blessings.

We have to help each other through this. We have to remember to lean on family and friends when we are struggling.

We have to remember to love each other. We have to remember to show kindness to each other.

We are all struggling.

We all have our moments.

And the next time when you are feeling those moments, remember to do something for yourself that makes YOU feel good inside…something that helps YOU reset…something that helps YOU keep the flame inside your soul burning.

I personally have found that dancing to Katy Perry in my living room and watching episodes of The Golden Girls proves effective…

…and eating ice cream straight from the container.

But you probably already knew these things. Not breaking news I know.

Well, there you have it. Mr. Sunshine–a single, gay man living in Lancaster trying to navigate a pandemic.

Crying.

Worrying.

Laughing.

And crying some more.

With a dash of Golden Girls and ice cream in between.

That’s all I have for you this week, folks.

Thanks for joining me on this week’s ride. We have now officially returned to the station when you can now exit the car safely and fill up your coffee mugs with more caffeine.

Until we meet again in one week.

Stay safe and healthy and don’t forget to be kind always.

And don’t forget to take a few moments to thank those frontline workers who are defending COVID-19 all across the world to restore health and wellness to all.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

P.S.-For those who read last week’s post about my magazine stealing incident, here is a little bonus for you. Below is the image of the magazine cover that I stole that fateful night at the local Weis Markets: