Mr. Sunshine Smiles

Happy Monday, friends!

Yet another week of quarantine has come to an end and another one is beginning.

And how crazy for the fact that we are entering the month of August?! Like, is that even possible?

I always thought that the Summer months went quickly; however, during a pandemic, it seems that they go even faster.

I would assume I’m not in the minority on this feeling, right?

Well, it’s time to get to this week’s post. Have you grabbed your favorite morning beverage to keep you company while you read?!

How many of you have ever had a dream so vivid during the night that when you wake up, you have to do a double take to make sure it didn’t actually happen.

Show of hands…yes?

These types of dreams are usually the ones that force me to wake up in a cold sweat, ready to scream, and panting because my heart is pounding.

I had one of those dreams this past week and it was so vivid and real that when I woke up, I had to walk around the house to clear my head and tell myself that it hadn’t actually happened.

In the dream, I was standing outside the back building of Bomberger’s, which is a hardware store that is located off of 501 about a mile down from my parents’ house in Lititz.

As I was standing there, I saw a red Ford Mustang drive by at a very high rate of speed passing cars as it made its way up the hill past High Sports and United Zion Retirement Community.

Suddenly, my eyes were glued on the same red Ford Mustang, but this time it was not speeding. It had gone airborne and was in the sky doing a 360 as it took flight before crashing back to the ground in what ended as a fiery blast of smoke similar to the that of the Wicked Witch of the West when she makes her first appearance in Munchkinland during The Wizard of Oz.

The ground shook due to the explosion and my eyes were glued to the fire ball that had erupted into the sky.

And then, just like the chain reaction of a domino hitting another domino, buildings started to fall and huge billows of smoke and debri started to fill the sky and make its way toward me as I stood at the back wall by Bomberger’s.

I tried to run as fast as I could to find cover before the clouds engulfed me, but I kept falling and for some reason, I was not able to move fast. It was almost as if I was stuck in a field of molasses.

In just seconds, the clouds of smoke engulfed me and I was swept away in the strong wind and debris–just like an astronaut floating aimlessly in Outer Space.

And then…

BOOM.

I shot up on the couch in a cold sweat (because I love sleeping there and not in a bed), threw off my blanket, and tried to catch my breath from the pounding heartbeat I was experiencing.

It seemed all too real.

I walked to the kitchen where I poured myself a glass of water and just stood there for a few minutes trying to comprehend what had just happened.

Any dream interpreters out there want to tackle this one?

As I made my way back to the couch, I laid quietly and stared at the ceiling.

I was wide awake and did not see myself falling back asleep anytime soon.

Regardless of what the dream books and online details tell me about what this dream meant, here is what I took away from it.

The world is a mess. The red mustang symbolized how out of control everything seems to be right now and the chaos that it created with its crash, fire burst, and clouds of smoke were symbolizing (to me) that the world is trying to engulf us all with its chaos and darkness.

I view the fact that I woke up once the clouds of smoke surrounded me as a sign that I want to fight.

I want to fight the darkness with light. I do not want to be engulfed by the world and its chaos.

I’m tired of seeing all the negative energy overtake our lives and want to combat it with the rays of Mr. Sunshine.

And…

FLASHBACK.

2019 was a crazy year. I embarked on a 1000 mile running journey to raise $10,000 for pediatric cancer research. And, and the end of the year, I finished with 1001 miles clocked and $18,295.37 raised.

It was an insanely emotional and powerful undertaking that pushed me beyond boundaries and challenges that I never experienced before.

2020 has been pretty crappy.

Well, let’s just say it.

It’s been shitty.

While I’ve taken a majority of the year to rest my legs from the world of running, I’ve discovered that I have moments of not feeling like myself if I’m not doing something to help others. I don’t feel as fulfilled if there isn’t an end goal of trying to achieve something that assists in changing the world.

This past weekend, I got to spend time with a local family at their home. This family suffered a huge trauma back in 2011 that still leaves a string of heartache in their lives. I enjoyed getting to know more about the family and just delighted being in their company, especially their children, Julia and Matthew. The smiles that I saw on their faces during the few hours I got to be with them was perfection. Not only did it bring joy to my soul, but it was the icing on the cake.

The icing on the cake to solidify and start the final preparation for my latest and greatest challenge to take on changing the world to bring some positive energy, love, kindness, and sunshine to all.

So, the let the countdown begin to 2021 and another year of sunshine.

ARE. YOU. READY.

All will be revealed on Monday, January 4th, so circle the date on your calendar now because in true Mr. Sunshine fashion like previous years, I’ll reveal via social media all the details of the project.

But until then, it is HUSH, HUSH.

Which means, you can’t and won’t get it out of me.

But for now, I leave you with this.

I’m ready to see the world SMILE again. (See below for the song that will end up being the theme song for this project).

And I’m going to do just that.

So, get ready.

Bring on January 4, 2021.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Happy Monday, folks!

Another week is in the books! And we are now officially starting the last full week of July! Where is the time going?!

That means that the dogs days of Summer in August are right around the corner!

Anyone else have an air conditioner system that has gotten no break since the 1st of this month?!

Can’t wait to get the bill for that one in the mail. Anyone want to place The Price is Right to guess on how much that one is going to be?!

Mmmbyeee.

Anyhoo, it’s time to get to this week’s post!

So, grab your favorite beverage and get cozy!

Dictionary.com defines the word ‘faith’ as the below:

Noun
1. Confidence or trust in a person or thing.
2. Belief that is not based on proof.
3. Belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion.
4. Belief in anything.
5. A system of religious belief.
6. The obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.
7.The observance of this obligation; fidelity to one’s promise, oath, etc.
8. Christian theology. The trust in God and His promises as made through Christ and the scriptures by which humans are justified and saved.

So many definitions.

So many different ways to describe faith.

So many ways to have and experience faith.

I know faith for me personally has been something tested quite heavily, especially throughout this pandemic.

Anyone else?

For as long as I can remember, the church was a place that has always been important to me. I grew up with my family taking my brother and I to Sunday morning services and participating in Sunday school classes as well as youth group activities.

It was a big part of my childhood and continues to be a big part of my adulthood.

In fact, it is an integral part of my life that I would be lost without.

And while I know that religion might not be everyone’s thing and that there are entities out there that give it bad publicity, I intend to share a special moment of faith that I got to witness last evening.

I started attending St. Paul Lutheran Church in Penryn back in 1994. It is crazy to think that I’ve been there for 26 years and filled the position of Music Director for more than a decade.

I’ve witnessed the church go through it’s roller coaster ride of emotions, membership, and leadership since attending.

However, in a time when everything around us seems to be uncertain, faltering, and testing our faith, there is one thing that I’m 100% sure about.

And that is the fact that Angela Hammer was called to us at St. Paul Penryn for a very specific reason.

I first got to meet Angela (or should I say Angie) back in 2017 and as the phrase goes–as cliche as it might sound–the rest is history. I connected with her instantly and could see the passion and faith that was in her soul given to her by the Spirit.

I’ve had many emotional moments during my time since 1994–some of which involved crying for the fact that I thought we might have to close our doors. The church is like a second home to me and I can’t imagine what I would do without it’s support, love, and connection.

Angie has gotten us to look inside ourselves and deepend our faith as we continue our journey as a faith community to show that small church can in fact make BIG differences.

So, watch out because St. Paul Penryn isn’t going anywhere and if you were one of the doubters who thought we wouldn’t be standing here today, shame on you.

In a time when everything around us seems to be uncertain, faltering, and testing our faith, there is one thing that I’m 100% sure about.

And that is the fact that Angela Hammer is to be here at St. Paul Penryn as we continue to make a difference and stand tall amongst a world full of darkness.

We are the light and we are ready to let it shine.

I had the amazing opportunity last evening to be a witness to Angela’s official ordination service while also presiding as the lead musician.

It was hot, emotional, and full of faith.

As I watched her walk in with all the official church Synod leaders after I finished playing through Rainbow Connection, I could see the tears in her eyes streaming from her face behind the mask she was wearing.

We locked eyes and I also began to cry. It was another defining moment for me. Another defining moment in my heart telling me Angela is here to guide and lead us for a reason. It has been more than a decade (almost two decades if not more) since we’ve called an official Pastor at St. Paul Penryn!

And I for one couldn’t more excited for the future and possibilities that await.

I might not know what the future holds and while my faith may continue to be tested on the daily as we live out this pandemic, I can tell you that I have 100% faith in Pastor Angela Hammer for guiding the congregation of Penryn to exciting new possibilities of ministry for the surrounding community.

All are welcome. Come as you are.

I hope to see you in some way, shape, or form with our family faith community in the very near future as Pastor Angela Hammer leads us with her knowledge, passion, and faith!

I encourage you to the check out our Facebook page and our website to learn more!

https://www.stpaulpenryn.org/

Sprinkle sunshine always.

JP!

Well, here we are. Yet another week of July is starting. How is it possible that we are already looking at the month of August beginning in just 12 days?

I’ve always been someone who has believed that the season of Summer just flies by; however, it seems like it flies by even faster amidst a pandemic.

Anyone else feeling this or is it just me?

Well, regardless of how fast it seems to be going, it’s time to get to this week’s post.

So, grab your favorite morning side-kick beverage and get comfy because we are going to delve deep into the word of joy.

When looking up the definition of joy, I found the following:

NOUN:
-a feeling of great pleasure and happiness

While I will be the first to admit that experiencing this definition has been difficult throughout the pandemic of COVID-19, I will also be the first to admit that I’ll be DAMNED if I let it take away my joy.

Kathie Lee Gifford once said the following, which is a quote that I find resonating with me deep down recently:

“Certain things are negotiable in life. I’ll give a little more time, I’ll take a little less money–but joy–if you don’t have joy in your life, what do you have?”

Stop.

Pause.

Think about that quote.

Let me write it again, so that you can really let it sink in.

“Certain things are negotiable in life. I’ll give a little more time, I’ll take a little less money–but joy–if you don’t have joy in your life, what do you have?”

Now, more than ever, it is so important for us all to step back, examine our lives, and figure out what our joy is.

As the title of this blog says, my joy is NONNEGIOTAIBLE.

My joy is…

-Helping customers across the United States navigate a pandemic in regards to restaurant equipment and supplies needed to sustain their business and safety of all. These business are the livelihood and in some cases, helping them to save money and figure out new ways to survive in a world of unknown is priceless.

-Giving customer service representatives feedback in regards to their work to help them give service that exceeds the expectations of all customers.

-Sharing music on social media that allows people to identify emotions, feel emotions, and experience emotions.

-Eating lunch with my parents after virtual church on Sunday mornings and being able to catch up on the happenings of our lives, talk about anything and everything, and to laugh.

-Spending a night alone with some wine and episodes of The Golden Girls.

-Spending quality time with friends whom I love to enjoy each other’s company and love life despite the circumstances.

-Spending time planning the next “change the world” task for Mr. Sunshine to undertake in the new year. Why yes, that IS happening in 2021. Any guesses?

What is joy to you?

Do you know when to say “no” to people or tasks in your life because you are fully aware of the entities that you want to spend time on because they are the ones that bring you joy?

Being in this quarantine state for the past 5 months has really made me reflect on lots of different aspects of my life.

But one thing that I’m 110% sure about with no doubt in my mind are the aspects that bring me joy.

And what’s even more clear to me is the action of saying “no” to the aspects of life that don’t bring about that feeling of joy in my soul.

My joy is nonnegotiable.

So, don’t try to take it away from me.

Because you won’t.

You can’t.

It lives in my soul like a fire that ignites the passion of change in the entire world around me. The entire community of individuals who make up our families, our friends, our community, and our world.

My joy is nonnegotiable.

How does the definition of joy fill your soul?

Stop.

Pause.

Think.

“Certain things are negotiable in life. I’ll give a little more time, I’ll take a little less money–but joy–if you don’t have joy in your life, what do you have?”

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Happy Monday, friends!

I do believe it is a Monday? Are you able to confirm? It still boggles my mind that we are now entering the second week of July.

To me, it doesn’t feel like half the Summer is already gone. It doesn’t even feel like Summer has started.

Are any of you able to confirm this too?

To be 100% honest, it doesn’t even feel like 2020 has been real. There are still moments where I feel like I’m in a dream and that I will eventually wake up and everything will be back to normal.

This past Friday, Katy Perry released a new song entitled Smile. I will share the link to the song on YouTube at the end of this post, but the lyrics and tune are so catchy…and relevant to how we ourselves might be feeling with all that is happening. It is definitely a song that will earn a spot on the Mr. Sunshine playlist of songs that bring out the best in me.

And it is one that reminds us that we need to find the light and smile.

Anyhoo, I’m getting a bit sidetracked, which should not be breaking news to any of you reading this.

About 5 months ago, a lot of us entered into unchartered waters with an intense pandemic that is more commonly known as COVID-19.

For me, it has made staring at walls 6 or 7 days a week become the new norm, late-night grocery trips with my headphones and store list non-existent, and emotions of mental exhaustion more common.

It has changed several entities of life for me, for you, and for our world.

More recently, I’ve seen feelings of anxiety rise in my life because of the fact that it’s hard to know what to believe and who to trust with all of the information that gets thrown into our faces on the daily.

I’ve found that saying something or sharing my beliefs can cause anger in others, but on the flip side of that, I’ve also found that not saying anything can cause anger in others too. It seems to be a no-win situation no matter what way the cake is sliced.

But one thing that has not changed for me throughout all of this craziness is the passion I have for the moral of being kind to one another that I was so strongly raised upon growing up.

It is a moral that I strive to live out on the daily and display through different facets of my life, especially with the persona of Mr. Sunshine that I wear proudly on my sleeve.

This week, the goal of this post is to share 3 things that I have done during this quarantine to display being kind to one another. They are super simple, cost very few dollars (if any at all), and are something that I hope and pray all of you will try at some point in the near future because kindness and love are entities that our world could really use right now.

#1: Pay For The Person Behind You
-With the fact that more and more people are utilizing drive-thru service right now, this act is easy to undertake and always brings about a smile that beams from side to side on my face…and often times the beneficiary behind me. Seeing able to witness the joy and elation in the side-view mirror of that unsuspecting individual behind me is always something that makes me beam from ear to ear without fail. I can’t wait for you to try it!

#2: Take Your Favorite Quote, Write It In A Card, & Send To Someone Special
-This is one that has proven to be very rewarding, especially with getting the chance to be creative with the quotes that I find. Having connection with others, especially now is so important and being able to do this with those that are special to us can bring out some of the most rewarding feelings in our soul, so don’t waste another moment and start writing! Get your favorite quotes and make the note personalized and fun. The sky is the limit!

#3: Send A Text, Email, Message, or Small Token/Trinket To Let Someone Know You Appreciate Them And Are Thinking About Them
-While this one might seem super obvious, it is something that I think we often let slip through the cracks because we become bogged down with what is happening in our lives that we forget to reach out to those who really mean the most to us in life. Trust me, the feeling of joy that this will bring you is like none other. Go through your phone contacts and pick out a few people for each day, week, or month to send some special thoughts too.

Our world needs kindness. Our world needs love. Our world is in a scary place right now and it is up to each and every one of us to be the beacons of light that shine on for each other.

We need connection from each other now more than ever.

We need the love from each other now more than ever.

If there is one thing that I hope you will do after reading this post, it’s this:

Sit down and take action on some of the three things that I’ve just written about and mentioned to you above. Or, come up with your own creative ways to display the moral of being kind to one another.

I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t scared for our world.

But the fire of passion in my soul to try and light your souls to do good still burns.

And I’ll be damned if anyone tries to put that fire out and keep it from burning.

Be kind to one another.

Love each other.

Hard.

110%.

No exceptions.

Please.

That’s all.

Amen.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Exhausted.

Drained.

Lost.

Defeated.

Fearful.

What do all these words have in common?

They are all words that have creeped into my vocabulary since the beginning of the pandemic, but have found their way into my brain more frequently over the past couple of weeks.

Anyone else? Or am I in the minority on this?

Did anyone else feel like this past weekend was not really the 4th of July? I don’t know about you, but there was just something missing that didn’t feel the same as years past when I got to witness the fireworks bursting in the sky around me.

As we continue to move through 2020…which by the way is now at the halfway point…it saddens me greatly that the people of this country continue to get more and more polarized. No matter what political affiliation you identify with, what religious background you come from, whom you love in your life, the color of your skin, or social status and amount of money you have access to, it seems that we keep getting further away from working together to find common ground and work toward solutions for the issues that face us both now in the present and also the future.

There are days when I think that this is all a dream and that if I open my eyes, and click my heels three times, it will all be normal again. If I could travel down the Yellow Brick Road, through the haunted forest, defeat the Wicked Witch of The West (which fun fact still scares me at 32) to see the great and powerful Oz, I would ask him to take us back to the days where we were free from a pandemic. I would ask for the days where it seemed like we were more open to loving others and displaying kindness through random acts on the daily.

For someone whom is nicknamed Mr. Sunshine, the current times and state of the world can be difficult. There are moments where I want to shut down completely, scream, cry, and take the optimism attitude and kick it as far away as possible.

I’m tested and challenged on the daily with these above feelings.

And these days, it is not uncommon for me to be asked the questions of “how do you stay so optimistic and positive” or “how do you keep a smile on your face?”

While I will be the first to admit that some days recently have been incredibly hard to keep that smile alive, there are a few, simple secrets that I will share with you now on how I personally keep the sunshine alive and the laughter flowing.

Are you ready? Do you have your morning beverage sidekick with you?

Well, read on!

#1: Betty White Is My Spirit Animal

About three and a half years ago, Katie Couric interviewed my spirit animal, Betty White in regards to the current state of the Country. It is a piece of material that I still find relevant today and I would encourage you to stop reading my blog for just two minutes and watch the below clip. You can pick up reading my blog on the other side…

If, after watching this clip, you can’t figure out why Betty White is my spirit animal, then I might ask you to get your noggin checked out…just kidding…kind of…sort of…not really.

Are you guilty of saying “I hate this” and “I hate that?” Those of you who know me and read my “About Me” section on this blog know that I do my best to not say “I hate” and always try to replace it with “I dislike very much.” As you go about your daily lives, I would like to challenge you to be a LOVER and not a HATER. Show LOVE by sharing a smile with a stranger on the street. Show LOVE by sending a note of appreciation to someone in your life. Show LOVE by seeking to understand someone else’s view point about a controversial topic by truly listening without judgment and open ears.

#2: Ellen DeGeneres And Playing Speak Out

I’m not sure if any of you have ever played this game, but it is super fun…unless you have sensitive gums…because then it can really hurt…like a lot. But it brings out so many laughs and we all know that laughter IS the best medicine. The below clip is one that I watch when I need a good chuckle, so I hope you can find that same level of laughter as well.

#3: 22 Musicals In 12 Minutes

We all know that I love Broadway musicals and knowing all of my artist friends and arts community are going through some of the toughest times of their lives makes me deeply saddened. This clip is one that gives me hope and really displays how creative some of my favorite celebrities can be with just a few props. And it makes me beam from ear to ear!

#4: You Will Be Found

This clip came out about 3 months ago when the pandemic started and to this day, it still fills me up with hope that we will come out of this stronger and that we are NEVER alone no matter how alone we might feel. Don’t ever forget to reach out when you need that extra support during the toughest times because there will always be someone in this world to wrap you in warmth when the world feels cold.

#5: The Golden Girls

This is a no brainer. But like, DUH! Ending each night with an episode, two, or three with my girls always helps me reset to a place of laughter and happiness. Picture it: The World. 2020. Quarantine lockdown. (You will only understand this reference if you are a true fan). If you’ve never watched an episode of these girls, now is your time to do it. They will not disappoint. I promise. And if they do disappoint, then we can’t be friends…JUST KIDDING…kind of…sort of…not really.

#6: Firework

This is again a no brainer for anyone who knows me. This is and will always be MY JAM. It never ceases to make me feel immediately better. I don’t care how cheesy the lyrics are. There is just something about belting this song to myself in the car or hearing it ring in my ears during a workout or run that makes me feel empowered.

There is no doubt that the world is a scary place and continues to become even more scary and violent with each passing day.

I can only hope that we will be able to continue moving forward together as a Country to share love, kindness, and work toward solutions to the very tough issues that face our World.

It can be hard somedays to live our the Mr. Sunshine persona that is very near and dear to my heart.

But I will always be here attempting to keep the smiles alive with some positive energy.

So, take the leap of faith and rejuvenate with me in experiencing some of the above entities I’ve shared with you to be the cockeyed optimist…just like Betty White described in her interview with Katie Couric.

The world needs our light. It needs our sunshine. It needs our love. It needs our kindness.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Happy Monday and start of a new week, folks!

It’s hard to believe that we are already coming to the end of June! That means that there is something like only 6 months until Christmas?? I think I saw something about that on social media and almost had a panic attack. I’m not even close to being ready for Christmas…and that is saying a lot since I’m usually ahead of the game with my planning…but not this year.

Anyhoo, I digress. On to the serious topic at hand with this week’s post.

This month is Gay Pride Month.

While there seems to be more positive discussion of this as a hot topic in today’s society, it is also one that seems to bring about a lot of negative feelings of hostility that makes it hard for us to move forward to a day without seclusion, bullying, and hate crimes.

This week, my blog post is an open letter to those out there who are struggling with their sexuality and identity. The ones who feel lost in what seems to be a cruel, cold world.

I’m here to tell you it will be OK. I promise.

“Dear Friend,

I see you, I’m here for you, and I love you.

I know there are days when the world around you feels cold, cruel, and dark. But it will get better. I promise. There are days of light and sunshine ahead. I know it.

I know there are days when you might not feel like getting out of bed at all, but trust me, there is always something out there worth living for, so never give up trying to find what that certain something is…because it exists for all of us. And that is the truth.

I know that you are struggling and that’s OK. Coming out of the closet to express your true colors is not easy…I will not sugar coat it for you. Be prepared to fight battles with friends, family, and the world. Be prepared to stand tall amongst the passion of true love and kindness that exist inside your heart. Be prepared to lose those who you might thought were once your friends and close to you.

Never back down and never give up.

Will there be moments when you are scared to walk in public?

Yes.

Will there be moments when others will stare at you, bully you, and ostracize you?

Yes.

Will there be moments where you will tremble with fear to share your true, inner voice?

Yes.

Don’t let those moments win and overcome you. Don’t let them waiver the true colors that you were created to express and share with the world.

They are beautiful and they are you.

It won’t be an easy journey. There are people that will cross your paths who will think that homosexuality is wrong and will try to do everything in their power to make you believe it is wrong.

Listen with patience and an open heart and show them you are human. Show them the true colors that God created in you for expression. Help them to understand. Help them join in the foundation of love you support.

Find your support system. Trust them. Hug them. Love them. They will be the ones who show you the light when the world seems like it is closing in with darkness. They are the ones that will wrap you in warmth of love and support.

Above all, never let the flame of true colors in your heart fade away to nothing. Keep it alive.

I see you.

I’m here for you.

I love you.

Sincerely,
Mr. Sunshine”

I came out 15 years ago during my Junior year of high school. While incredibly emotional, rocky, and dark at various times, it has been the best decision of my 32 years of living on this Earth that I look back at with no regrets.

As a single gay man in society who works three jobs to support himself, I will admit that there are days tougher than others, especially living through a pandemic. There are days where I have awful, reactive roller coaster emotions because I feel that society tells me I need a partner beside me in life to be happy.

Well, I don’t. I work three jobs, volunteer when and where I can, find joy in the simple things, and try to always come up with new methods of how to make those around me happier through facets of love and kindness. I may or may not be working on a super secret Mr. Sunshine project for 2021.

Believes it. You heard it here first.

And if that means that I continue living life in the single lane with close friends and family I love beside me, so be it.

If that means I keep myself busy and neglect the dust of the furniture of my house, the cleaning car, and the organizational projects around the house, so be it.

I’m not perfect, but my true colors are. And I embrace them 100%.

I want anyone out there who is struggling with their sexuality to know that it will be ok.

I’m here to listen to you, to support you, to hug you, and to love you.

I pray that one day we will be able to live without that feeling of fear that invades the back of our minds on the daily.

I pray that one day all people will be able to understand that we are humans too who are ready to love with open hearts, minds, and hands.

Dear friend,

I see you, I’m here for you, and I love you.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Well, we are officially in Summer. Does it feel like the season of sunshine, flip flops, and pool swimming to you?

Because it certainly doesn’t feel like it yet.

Does it feel like it is half way through the year of 2020 to you?

Because it certainly doesn’t feel like that either.

Quarantine has been going on for how long now?

3 days?

3 months?

3 years?

There have been moments during this quarantine where the walls of my house have seen me at my worst–yelling, screaming, breaking down in tears.

Some days, it feels like a roller coaster of emotions.

Seriously.

Buckling up in the station, trying to keep my arms and legs inside the train at all times without screaming my face off.

Up the hills, down the hills, around the twists and turns…

Until I arrive back in the station…

…only to do it all over again.

Have any of you had these moments and feelings also?

I can’t imagine I’m the only one.

Right?

And, before I begin with this week’s post, I would like to take a few moments to re-iterate the below, which I have neglected to say at the start of my last couple of blog posts.

My heart goes out to those who have passed away from this virus. My heart goes out to all of those who are currently suffering and fighting to get well. My heart goes out to everyone who has been directly and indirectly affected by this virus. My heart goes out to all people who are working the front lines to restore health and well-being to the world around us. My heart goes out to all of us who are working to navigate the unknown on the daily with feelings of anxiety and despair.

Well, shall we begin? If you don’t already have your trusty cup of coffee (or whatever beverage you like to drink when reading), make sure you go to grab it now!

We’ve all heard the phrase “the icing on top of the cake”, right?

Well, if you noticed the title of this week’s post, I will be playing devil’s advocate in taking the opposite angle of this phrase and talking about the cake missing the icing.

What do I mean by this? Well, I guess you’ll just have to read on!

This week, I’m going to talk about some of the things that I miss the most about being in quarantine.

Obviously, the events of the world have shifted perspectives, turned our lives upside down, and forced us to find ways to cope because of the fact that nothing will be the same or “normal” for quite some time…or ever again.

It’s both a tough and harsh reality to try and grasp on the daily. It becomes even more prominent when I think in my mind about some of the things that I have really missed (and continue to miss) during this period of a pandemic quarantine.

So, here are some things that I really miss…like a lot.

The Office Atmosphere
-While I’m so grateful (and thankful) that I have the opportunity to work from home, I am a person who misses the office atmosphere so much. I miss being able to turn around in my desk chair to ask a coworker about a situation while also sharing a laugh and smile. Video chats are great and wonderful and I’m glad we have the technology to do it, but something just isn’t the same about them. I miss having lunch with coworkers and talking about everything and anything. I crave the office atmosphere and staring at my walls 6 days (sometimes 7 days a week) can get a bit insane.

The Theater
-I miss going to the theater to see shows, I miss performing on the stage, I miss working backstage…basically, I miss it all. I miss the community of family that is created by bonds and love of a creative art that allows for an outlet that is deeply missed by my soul. I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t a bit nervous for the future of the arts.

My Church Choir
-I miss my choir at church. I miss having Wednesday night rehearsals in the church basement where we could laugh and just have fun singing music for the Lord. To go along with this, I miss seeing the church congregation in person on Sunday mornings. While I’m so grateful that we’ve been blessed and given the opportunity to do virtual services, I miss seeing the smiling faces of our Penryn community. I miss being together and enjoying the fellowship through word and song. I continue to pray constantly for all of our church members and for the guidance to make sure that when the time comes to re-open, that we are able to do it well and safely for all. Our community is a place for ALL and I’m anxious for it to continue as such when we are given the opportunity to gather again.

Late Night Grocery Shopping
-I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed late night grocery shopping until I couldn’t do it. I miss having those moments with few people in the aisles to do my thing. You might laugh, but late night grocery shopping is a way for me to decompress…almost therapeutic. It’s like real-life Supermarket Sweep episode when you are with Mr. Sunshine.

Hugging
-I don’t think I need to go into too much detail with this one since it is pretty self-explanatory. My personality is all about loving, which includes hugging and not being able to do that is eating me up inside.

Seeing People Smile
-I miss seeing the smiles on the faces of the people that I have the opportunity to interact with on the daily–whether it be on the sidewalk, grocery store…anywhere. I must say that I’ve learned to try and perfect the “smile with my eyes” entity like Tyra Banks used to say, but I very much look forward to the day when I get to see those million dollar smiles again.

Eating In A Restaurant
-I miss having the chance to be spontaneous to eat at a local gem for some delicious food. I miss the atmosphere of being in a restaurant (or bar setting) and enjoying the company of loved ones with glorious conversation and delightful ambience.

Well, folks. There you have it. Just a few things that I’ve really missed throughout this quarantine.

I will continue to pray for all and try to do my best to keep some light and positive energy alive as I go about the daily.

Stay well and don’t give up hope.

We will get through this and the light at the end of the tunnel is there…I just know it.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Well, folks. We are halfway through the month of June which means that Summer is just around the corner. I don’t know about you, but it certainly doesn’t feel like the season of outdoor grilling, pool swimming, and flip flops.

Well…at least it doesn’t feel like it quite yet. And I’m sure this quarantine has something to do with those thoughts.

Anyhoo, we are going to get right into this week’s post, so I hope your coffee has been brewed!

Here we go!

My name is JP Welliver.

I am gay.

I am proud.

I am love.

As many of you probably already know, June is National Gay Pride Month, and as an openly gay man living in this world, nothing saddens me more than knowing that we are still struggling for rights and continue to be viewed as “different” or “unfit” by a society that feeds upon hate and judgment.

It is 2020.

We are living in the 21st century. What gives? How can it be that we are still living in a world where we would rather hate with our words than love with our hearts? It is the million dollar question that I continue to try and answer each and every day as I live out life.

In Spring of 2005, my junior year of high school, I made the decision to come out to a few of my friends. And while it was a decision that weighed heavily on me day in and day out, it is one that I look back on with no regrets. And 14 year later, after being bullied, called inappropriate names including the term ‘faggot’, and struggling with thoughts of hurting myself and trying to figure out what I’m on this Earth for, I stand even stronger and prouder of who I am.

Today, I want to share a few reflections that I hope you will all take to heart and ponder as you go about your daily lives today, tomorrow, and each day after.

I want to thank my parents. While I know it was a struggle in the beginning to accept and we fought with differences, I couldn’t be more thankful for all of the unwavering support and true love you have continuously showed me throughout my life. You have raised me to fight for what I believe in, to never give up, and to show love and kindness to all. For that, I can’t repay you and having you by my side is the greatest gift I could ask for.

I want to thank my incredible and amazing friends who have been there through thick and thin since day one. I can’t even begin to imagine life without you all. You make the smiles, laughs, tears, hugs, and memories of each passing day extraordinary and worth living. Having a supportive team of individuals around me does wonders for the soul and it is something that I try to never take for granted. Each and every one of you is appreciated and loved so much. Each and every one of you has had some kind of impact in the evolution of Mr. Sunshine up to this point in my life. And for those who will continue to evolve with me in the future, I look forward to the days ahead with an unwavering optimistic energy.

I want to take a moment to share reflections with those out there struggling with their identity and sexuality. Always be true to yourself and never sacrifice anything for what you feel in your heart. Know that you are not alone and that there will always be people around to wrap you in love and warmth when the world seems cold and closes in with darkness.

I want to take a moment to share some reflections to those who view me and my fellow gay community as different. I hope that you will one day be able to look past the walls of judgement that you have built up and realize that we are no different than you. And while we may identify with feelings for those of the same sex, we are still human beings full of love and pride.

I encourage all of you to celebrate the rainbow and the gay community and to extend a hand to all in this world by spreading love and kindness. Not just this month, but every month of the year. Do it today, tomorrow, and each day after.

There may be days in my life left on this Earth that I get bullied, called faggot, or struggle with the thoughts of hurting myself—I don’t know what the future holds in store.

But I do know this. I am a believer in sharing love and kindness to everyone regardless of social status, ethnicity, religion, skin color, or sexual orientation.

I look for the good in others and work hard in finding ways to make those around me happier. I believe in happily every after and will not sacrifice my morals or values to find whatever that might be for me in life.

I fight for what I believe in.

I am happy.

I am positive.

I am spiritual.

I am joyful.

I am silly.

I am reactive.

I am emotional.

I am proud.

I am colorful.

I am Mr. Sunshine.

I am JP.

I am gay.

I stand before you in this very moment with great pride in my true colors and can’t wait to continue sharing with the world who I am and what I’m about.

I just started the process of working on a super, special, secret project that will hopefully help me to empower others in this world while being my authentic self. I’m super excited to share it with you and while I’m not 100% sure when it will exactly happen, I can only hope it will be very soon, so stay tuned! I CAN’T WAIT to share it with you!

We need to stop the hating, the judgments, the bullying, and work together as one to break down the walls of hate that have paralyzed our society with the belief that the gay community is different. This world needs more love.

The events that have unfolded and continue to unfold in the world around us are clear examples that we are in need of so much more love and kindness.

Where are the opens arms of love that we should be extending to ALL humans regardless of the gender of the humans they love?

When will the hating stop?

When will the violence end?

When are we going to wake up as a human race and realize that people who love the same sex are no different than anyone else?

When is the world going to realize that love is love is love?

My name is JP Welliver.

I am gay.

I am proud.

I am love.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

Well, folks. Here we are.

A new week. Another Monday.

As if quarantine, social distancing, and the pandemic weren’t enough.

In looking at the state of the world outside our doors, it is hard to not get a heavy heart. There is so much hatred, violence, prejudice, and division among all people regardless of political assosciation, social class, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, religion, or color of skin.

For me, it certainly makes trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel difficult some days. And I’m sure some of you are in the same boat.

With all that is happening around us, it is a great moment for each of us to sit back, hit the pause button, and reflect on what each of us can do individually to make a difference.

Each and every one of us has been given strengths and talents to make change, to be the light, and to help those around us in need.

In the coming weeks, take a moment to have the conversations that are uncomfortable with others in life about the events that have unfolded and are continuing to unfold in our world.

Listen.

Learn.

Educate.

Donate.

Help.

We each have been called to make a difference, so go out and DO.

Be the hope.

Be the love.

Be the light.

Be the change.

I have a lot of friends who come in all shapes and sizes. I have friends who like men, friends who like girls, friends who have a different color skin, friends who are of a different ethnic background, friends who have different religious backgrounds, friends from all different political affiliation and social class.

And while I can’t imagine what my friends of color have experienced for a long time in this Country, I can tell you that it is time for a change. Everyone in this country is worthy. Worthy of love. Worthy of kindness. Worthy of respect. Worthy of equality.

I’ve done a lot of researching and listening as I’ve tried to educate myself as best as possible on all that is happening.

Below are just a few of the resources that I’ve found to be helpful, especially with the fact that there is so much out there–it can be overwhelming.

In addition, I’ve included a clip from the Ephrata Performing Arts Center’s production of Ragtime that I had the extreme honor and privilege to be a part of. I feel it is a beautiful moment that should be watched by all in regards to what is being experienced around the world.

https://8cantwait.org/

https://blacklivesmatter.com/news/

The world needs us more than ever.

Isn’t this supposed to be a world where we have liberty and justice for ALL?

Be change.

Spark change.

Make your voice heard.

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!

The evening of Thursday, May 28th ended for me like most other nights always do. Lying on the couch with The Golden Girls on the TV in the background.

Little did I know that Friday morning would bring out the ugly cry in me.

8:15am.

My cell phone alarm played it’s lame chime as I reached my hand over to the coffee table in hopes of shutting it off without having to open my eyes.

I reluctantly couldn’t get the alarm to stop, so I forced my eyes open to hit the button to silence the phone.

But I noticed something on the screen notifying me that I had a text message…from my Mom. And we all know a text “early” in the morning from your Mom (well at least in my mind) means that there is bad news.

I opened the text and immediately dropped my phone on the floor.

“We are going to call vet as soon as they open to put Foxy down.”

These were certainly not the words that I was expecting to read on my Friday morning.

I ran upstairs, put some clothes on, and attempted to brush my teeth while my nose ran and tears streamed down my face.

I got in my car and started the drive to my parents.

I drove in silence with only the sound of my sniffles. I tried to hold back the tears, but it was no use. My eyes were getting blurry and my I kept forcing my right hand to brush off my face.

The drive seemed like it took forever. Once I arrived in my parents’ driveway, I turned the car off and sat in silence for a moment.

I took a deep breath, opened the door, and tried to mentally prepare myself for the moment I was about to experience…seeing Foxy Lady for the last time.

I walked to the back porch where I was greeted by my Dad, Ginger, and my Mom petting Foxy who had placed herself under the futon in a position that looked both comfortable and relaxed. Her back legs were sprawled out while her front paws were bent in what seemed like a tense position. Her mouth was drooling intensely which my mom was wiping up with a towel as she pet Foxy gently and whispering “it’s okay, Foxy.”

Foxy lifted her head ever so slightly to look at me with what seemed like the saddest puppy eyes. The slightest twinkle was still in them though. It was almost as if she was telling me that she was ready.

My heart broke.

I held back some tears in my eyes, sat down beside her, stayed in silence, and pet her fur with my hands.

I sat there…in a trance for what seemed like hours not wanting to grasp the reality that this was the end.

After an hour of struggling with the question of why pets can’t be with us forever, I finally went in for the final embrace.

I leaned in for one last hug with my Foxy Lady. I kissed her on the top of her forehead and whispered “thank you for the memories.” I held on tight not wanting to let go of her love that had been a faithful companion for the past 15 years.

I walked to my car in the driveway, closed the door, and began to cry uncontrollably.

I had not experienced saying goodbye to a pet since Allie, our beagle had to be put down, which we did my senior year of high school.

You would think as an older adult that saying goodbye would be an easier thing to do, but that was certainly not the case. Well, certainly not the case for me at least.

I’ve cried myself to sleep for the past three nights. It’s been over a decade since I’ve gone through the loss of a pet and having it happen at a time when the world is so upside down in all respects makes it even more difficult.

How do I even begin to sum up the past 15 years with a furry friend that remained faithful every single moment?

While it might seem like an impossible task, I’m certainly going to give it my best shot in a final letter to Foxy Lady.

My Foxy Lady,

It’s hard to believe that we’ve spent the last 15 years together. You became part of the family when I was a senior in high school! You’ve been around for more than half of my life! Isn’t that crazy?!

And having you by my side for all that time made it even more difficult to let go and say goodbye.

Would you believe me if I told you that I left the house on Friday morning with NO makeup on when Mom told me that it was time to say goodbye? Not many things in life can make me do that, so I hope that makes you feel even more special. Ha!

I remember how afraid of me you were (and men in general) when Mom and Dad first brought you home. One of the first memories I have of you was that you didn’t want to go to the bathroom outside for Mom and Dad. I was determined to stay outside and walk around with you on the leash until you went. And oh by gosh by golly, after what felt like an eternity, you did it! I was so proud and excited. Patience is a virtue and it paid off!

I can’t thank you enough for being my loyal compaion for the past 15 years. Even though you couldn’t jump on my bed as you got older, I will never forget the moments of you sleeping by my feet to keep me extra warm. I always felt so protected. You always were willing to be my cuddle buddy without question and were always the best partner in crime when I got to house sit for Mom and Dad when they would go away. I always enjoyed when you would pull up your bed beside the couch signaling to me that it was time to wind down and hit the hay. I always took that as your way of being subtle to tell me it was time for “lights out.”

Having the chance to spend some of your final moments with you was very special to me. I’m so incredibly thankful that I got to give you a final hug and kiss goodbye before you crossed over the rainbow bridge. You would think as a 32 year-old adult that saying goodbye would be easy peasy, but it was quite the opposite for me, especially because we’ve been through so much.

Would you believe that I’ve cried myself to sleep the past 3 nights on the couch? There’s not even a boy in my life that has gotten me to do that! I expect the nights of tears to continue for a bit of time until it sinks in that you are officially gone and that I won’t see you the next time I drop by Mom and Dad’s house.

You were truly the best companion and I’m glad we got to spend so many years together. You got to witness me in all my prime moments—the high school, college, and young adulting years. It’s like you watched me grow up!

Our moments together will always be so special to me, especially our last moments. They will live in a very special place of my heart forever and always.

I hope you get the opportunity to meet some new friends on the other side of the rainbow bridge, but please don’t ever forget me.

From now on, each time I lie down on the couch, I’ll think of you bringing your bed beside me and looking at me with that gleam in your eye—subtly telling me it’s time for lights out.

Thank you for the love, cuddles, and companionship over the years.

Thank you for making it so hard to say goodbye.

You’ll always be my Foxy Lady.

Love,
JP

Sprinkle sunshine always,

JP!