Knocked Off The Ladder.

I wake up as the alarm on my phone chimes to alert me that it’s time to get out from under the blankets, off the couch, and up to the bathroom for shaving, brushing of the teeth, and make-up applying. Yes, I wear make-up. Get over it.

But wait.

I keep forgetting that even though we live in the 21st century and it is November 4th, 2019, there is still a stigma that lives within our society about people being different.

There is still a stigma within our society that has people saying, “guys don’t wear make-up” or “guys shouldn’t like other guys,” or “it’s really weird that you like to wear skinny jeans,” or “stop looking at the legs on that guy.”

To me, it is mind blowing that these questions (along with countless others) are even in the forefront of people’s minds; however, it is the reality that we live in.


Some days, especially this year, I feel like I’m at an extremely high point in my life at certain moments–at the top of the ladder so to speak–and then..


I get knocked off.

Back to the ground. Only to find myself having to start over with climbing again.

However, the difference is that this time around, I don’t have the energy to climb back up.

Anyone who knows me realizes that I’m a giver…I’m a doer for others…and I give, give, give, and do, do, do…and after the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, that will be done.

At least for a few months.

While there are many positive things happening in life–running miles and raising funds to find a cure for pediatric cancer, people reaching out to me randomly to let me know that they have found some type of positivity or enlightenment through posts of mine, and the conversation that my home church is starting to have in order to become a fully welcoming church regardless of sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion, skin color, or economic status–all are things that fill my soul with joy.

And with the give, give, give, and do, do, do lifestyle that I have embraced and full-heartedly taken on for as long as I can remember, there have been moments of emotional drainage that have sucked me dry.

So, my friends, that means it is time for me to finally take a step back in life. It is time for me to take serious time for reflection on what is happening both around me and inside of me. It is time for me to take time for myself.

It is time for me to put the give, give, give and do, do, do lifestyle on hold. For more than a hot minute.

This begins the official countdown until we bid farewell to Mr. Sunshine…at least for a few months of 2020.

We can call it what they do in the TV world–a “hiatus.”

Yes…a hiatus. I like the sound of that. An official 2020 hiatus for Mr. Sunshine.

Don’t worry though…the blogs will still happen weekly and I’ll still have email activated for messages along with my phone for calls or texts.

It’s November 4, 2019 in the 21st century and I wake up confused about the society I’m living in because it knocks me off the ladder because I’m “different.”

Do you ever wake up in the morning thinking about who might ostracize you throughout the day or stare with judgment in their eyes?

Do you ever wake up wondering what jerk face butt hole is going to yell an inappropriate comment to your face?

Have you ever had thoughts of hurting yourself because you felt like you weren’t worthy or different?

Have you ever feared for yourself walking home at night to the comfort of your own home?

Well, these aren’t questions that I ask myself.

They are REALITIES that I live.

Every. Single. Day.

So, stop knocking me off the ladder.

Because I’m losing the energy to climb back up.

Sprinkle sunshine always,