Happy Monday, folks!
We are almost to the end of October which is literally insane to think about.
I feel like it was just yesterday when we were watching the ball drop in Times Square signifying the start of 2022.
And here we are, ready to say hello to another new year after we experience the full speed ahead mentality of the next two months.
Y’all better buckle up your seat belts.
And yes, I just did say y’all.
Oh…this is post number 190.
In case you care or were wondering.
Let’s get down to business.
Encanto is playing in the background for the second time since the weekend started.
My mind is racing.
It has been racing for quite some time.
As a 35-year-old, there are things that I experience on the daily that make me feel anxious and worried.
What act of violence to hurt others will happen next in our world?
Will I have enough money to get through the month and pay the bills?
Can I manage to take on a project in the new year to try and change the world?
How can I support others around me to help them with their specific needs?
How can I support myself in life without feeling selfish?
How can I teach others to be kind in their daily routine?
These are questions that are deep and can make my thoughts go down a rabbit hole without any clear answer or end in sight.
This video is one that my life coach, Daniel shared with me back in July of this year and it is something I constantly struggle with, so I share it with you below.
Putting myself first is not something that is easy for me, especially when I consider myself someone who thrives on the joy that I get from helping others.
But how can I continue to be Mr. Sunshine for others in my life in the world if I can’t be Mr. Sunshine for myself?
If I’m not filling my OWN CUP, how can I possibly help the cup of others to overflow with joy?
Finding motivation to get out of the warm covers in the morning has been more of a challenge recently, but I do it.
And I get the blood pumping by doing some push-ups, squats, and sit ups.
I’ve found it much more difficult recently to not take things personally. I seem to be at a heightened emotional state constantly because of everything that is happening in life.
I fear constantly that I will fail the people in my life by either saying no or not executing something well enough that it creates more issues.
I work my ass off putting in hours at four different jobs to make ends meet and quite frankly, there are times when I don’t want to communicate with anyone and want to sit in silence—with my phone on DND and play The Golden Girls or Encanto in the background.
When I have to emerge as a leader in the church where talk about money can bring up negative feelings or questions about the future, I shut down.
When I hear others talk about their fabulous trips or the latest and greatest thing that they bought for their lives, I become quiet because I don’t just have the ability to do that. I have to plan ahead and work hard constantly to make ends meet or just give myself a little splurge on that little special something. It isn’t something that can just happen with the snap of my fingers, so if you get to have that lifestyle just realize that not everyone can live that reality.
When I think about anything related to the world of dating or sexual relations, I just panic because most experiences with boys since the college years have been traumatizing to me in their own unique way…and well…believe or not…the self-conscious feelings start to take over.
So, what am I getting at?
If I seem off, more quiet than normal, non-communicative, or not the bundle of sunshiny energy you are used to seeing from me, please just know that is my way of processing the thing that we call life.
It is one of the ways I fill my cup with self-love.
I grow quiet, I like to be alone in solitude watching my favorite TV show/or movie, and I like to just be.
This week, practice self-love in a way that both rejuvenates YOU and fills YOUR cup with the energy you need to keep pushing forward in this crazy world.
Sprinkle sunshine always,